5th Column

Green Man is outstanding in many ways
My Dear Green Man,
I thought I must write to you when I heard that you have been voted the most outstanding national leader this country has ever had. I know I must congratulate you, Green Man, but I can't help thinking that it must be a funny feeling to be ranked above, for example, Dutugemunu and Parakramabahu!

But of course you deserve the honour, Green Man, because you masterminded a coup that drove Satellite's blue boys out of power at a time people in your own party were accusing you of ineffective leadership and planning to have you replaced.

And since then, Green Man we have had this extra-ordinary ceasefire where the Tigers do pretty much as they want and the Armed Forces are spending their time complaining to the monitors who can only say that their decisions are being ignored. But it is still an achievement for you because there has been no war for quite some time now and you are talking to the Tigers and they are still talking to you.

Why, you even managed to talk to the United Nations a few days ago despite Satellite's many desperate efforts and that itself is an achievement. And you have survived in a cabinet headed by Satellite for nearly two years now and that itself proves you are a very effective leader!

But Green Man, now that you have won this honour, I think you must put it to good use to do a few simple things which you and your team seem to have forgotten to do for some reason.

For instance, you could begin with actually granting that pay hike for public servants which Mr. Choksy is announcing every now and then but never seems to see the light of day. Then, you could also try to control these strikes that are mushrooming in every government sector which are causing a lot of inconvenience.

You could also try to bring back some discipline to some of our universities and since you have now been officially declared the most effective leader why don't you try to control the rising crime wave as well?

Once you have done all this, Green Man, you should not rest. Then, you should undertake the really difficult tasks. You can begin by trying to shift that disputed Tiger camp that everyone is now talking about. Then, maybe you can sack people like Mahinda W and T. Arumugam when they embarrass you with their tantrums.

Then, if you are really clever, you can bring the blues and the reds together with the Crown Prince as their leader. If you can do that, you will surely guarantee yourself a win at the next election. We also know that you intend to drag the peace talks until then, when you will proudly declare that you have ended the war!

But be careful in all this, Green Man. Satellite sincerely believes she is the most effective national leader this country ever had, so she must be a very upset lady these days. Who knows, she might even claim that the poll was rigged and that is something the Greens are most effective at, aren't they?

Yours truly, Punchi Putha
PS-Personally though, I must disagree with this poll, Green Man. For me, the most effective leader this country has had-for good or bad- is undoubtedly Velu who has outlived and outwitted four Presidents and maybe, one Prime Minister…

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