Saluting a friend of absolute integrity

As always, Shakespeare had a fitting phrase: “He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.” Some of us who had the privilege of being Captain Tony’s friend for 50 years will understand how appropriate for Tony were Hamlet’s words in appreciation of the king, his father.
Tony started his career as a pilot in the UK, in the early 1950s, while in the Royal Air Force doing his national service, which in those days was compulsory.

In 1961, when Russell Bowden first met him, Tony was a captain with British Airways, which he left in 1971 when he was made redundant in one of those financial crises that airlines tend to go through. He was made a financial offer that it would have been foolish for him to have refused. Then unemployed, an advertisement by Air Lanka caught his attention. He applied successfully and resumed his career as a captain once again, in 1983.

This was not Tony’s first acquaintance with Sri Lanka. He had visited to stay with the British Council’s Librarian, Russell Bowden, in 1968, and, as with so many others, he fell in love with this entrancing island’s beauty.

So began his long sojourn of 29 years in, and commitment to, Sri Lanka. It ended on November 12, after 11 weeks of illness, from pneumonia. It was a valiantly and toughly fought struggle with death. Had he lived another 17 hours, he would have permitted us all, as we had done so many times in previous years, to celebrate with him his birthday – this his 79th. But it was not to be.

What of the man?

Tony was a person of absolute integrity – unchallengeable, honest, and principled. Allied to these virtues were strongly held views and opinions he brought to all his relationships, whoever they were with – the highest, the lowest; the most assured, the most vulnerable. They were applied without compromise or favour. He was strong in holding to them, but he was not tough and unyielding. He held your gaze or look unflinchingly. If that made him seem a rather frightening person, it was not so.

He had a superb sense of humour, and to all these attributes he brought a gentleness in his looks, and in the tenor of his voice, which was rarely raised in anger or in dispute. Photographs of Tony show the sparkle in his eyes, usually accompanied with a smile playing on his lips.

He was, in short, one of the most honest men one could ever have had the privilege of meeting – not only in money matters but, more important, with his kindnesses, his friendships, in all his actions, decisions in life, and in his relationships.

“Generosity” is a word that well describes him. He gave care and attention to all who came to him with their problems and sought his expertise and advice. In doing so, never was there a hint of patronage. He listened carefully and then judged, but never was he judgmental; instead, always reassuring and building confidence. Tolerance was at the core of the advice he so freely gave.

He enjoyed helping people. In matters to do with money, careful though he undoubtedly was, his generosity was widely known, deeply appreciated and respected by all those who were lucky enough – individuals and families – to have benefited from his bestowing of it.

It must have been these, among his other many attributes, that earned him recognition when he was made a captain with British Airways, and then with Air Lanka, and finally with SriLankan Airlines.
In all these organisations, his sense of responsibility and his commitment to a job well done caused them to place in his trust millions of pounds’ worth of aircraft equipment, as well as the lives of thousands and thousands of people.

Despite such immense responsibilities, his humility, humour and gentleness never left him. They were among the attributes that assisted in enriching his career as a professional pilot. On meeting Tony for the first time, one might have thought him to be British through and through – and British he was, and proud of the fact, but this was tempered by the strong influence on him of his love for Lanka.

He learned to speak Sinhala, if a little carefully and haltingly, and he loved to write Sinhala, with its flowing and generous curves and regulating symbols. His love for Lanka was evident in his understanding of the culture, history and practices and customs of ordinary people, enriched as they are by lessons from a Buddhism that he so greatly respected.

Tony has now left us, having completed this journey in Sansara, to continue it again elsewhere, to be able, one day, to achieve Nibbana, or to take his place in Heaven. Neither clearly a Christian nor obviously a Buddhist, he chose to end his days in accord with Buddhist practices.

We who remain to live must continue to grieve. Nevertheless, in so doing, we must remember Tony’s life and rejoice that it was one so deeply enjoyed and so well lived.

It was a life shared with his partner, Nawaz Jayathilaka, his companion for nearly 29 years, and who was by his side never more so than in the last distressing six weeks. No partner, no companion, could have done more for Tony by remaining strong and resourceful in seeking out every means to make Tony comfortable and in trying to get him well again.

No more fitting tribute can be paid to Tony than the five simple English words: “Tony was a good man.”
Tony – your friends salute and pay tribute to you for a life well lived.

Russell Bowden, Kirthie Boteju, Graham Merricks, Cecil Jayawardhana

A bright and bubbly person who brought colour and dynamism into our world

Evelyn Buell

The appreciations I wrote about lost friends made Evelyn say, “Why, you make me so sad – they seem such wonderful people.” One day she said, quite seriously, “When I die, I hope you will write my appreciation.” I laughed and nodded.

Evelyn, here is what I have written about you – you who were so frank, honest and absolutely without hypocrisy, as pure as when you were born. It is a cliché, but it says it all: “I can’t believe you are no more.”

Among many others, the members of the Muslim Women’s Research and Action Forum will miss you. As for myself, I do not know where to turn. True, we will get used to not seeing you around. It has to be thus, otherwise life cannot go on the way it should. But whom will I talk to about psychology, philosophy, spirituality? Our discussions grew out of anecdotes, stories, poems, and news and information found through the internet. Our bubbling, bustling exchanges brought colour into our lives.

My work received a lot of its dynamism from you and your comments. I used to wonder at your remarkable vocabulary and gift for words. Your creative and descriptive language was a pleasure to listen to.

You filled the Muslim Women’s Research and Action Forum with the essence of your existence. I will miss you in a way I cannot put into words. You were a much loved friend, a sounding board, a ghost writer who helped me out of my computer illiteracy, someone who could fence word for word and not be hurt or humiliated by jokes at your expense.

Our objective was always co-existence. We proudly worked towards a pluralistic Sri Lanka. You helped by living it. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Five years is not a long time, but what we poured into it will last forever till we meet once again somewhere some day.

May God in His Mercy guide you on that path to a place where your fragrance will be eternal.

Jezima Ismail

My Dearest Appa

Jude Muttiah

Appa loved film
he loved creativity.
he loved his work,
he loved the publicity.

Talented and quiet, such a man
was Jude Muttiah.
He followed his dreams,
put heart and soul in his work,
directing, acting, producing.

His directing was fine,
His acting divine,
He was born to be on stage,
But he left us at an early age.
The few years of his life,
Were full of struggle and strife,

But one day God said,
“Come home, My son”
And so he left this world
where his life had begun.

He left films,
He left his family.
He left it all.
For no one can ignore
God’s humble call

Your darling daughter, Sumithra