Saying ‘No’ to sexual bribery

Divya*, a 31-year-old mother of three walked into the State Bank hoping to obtain a much needed loan. But as she walked home, her meeting with the bank manager was all that occupied her thoughts. How her request was rejected. How his hand covered her own. How he offered her the loan but only on a condition so vile that left her feeling completely helpless.

Divya’s story is one that many female heads of households who encounter sexual bribery in the war affected districts of Sri Lanka have experienced.  Despite the unfamiliar terminology, sexual bribery is a pervasive issue both here and in other countries, explains Founder and Executive Director of the Centre for Equality and Justice (CEJ) Shyamala Gomez.

When CEJ first started researching the subject in 2016, they defined it as an “improper benefit” that is sexual in nature, demanded by persons in positions of power in exchange for a service or a favour.Despite the lack of an express legal definition in Sri Lanka’s legal framework, it is discussed under the Bribery Act (No. 2 of 1965) with several suggested amendments currently under consideration.

“Being a woman, she should know how to keep a man at bay. She must have encouraged him” is a common reaction many have heard before. Social norms can be oppressive and create high moral expectations for widows and single women, thus painting them as complicit and agreeable to provide sexual bribes in return for a service. Most mothers also fear the possibility of the abuse extending to their children.

Attempting to exploit or abuse a more vulnerable person is a reflection of the perpetrator’s cowardice. Having knowledge of and confidently communicating one’s rights can thwart such attempts. It is important to confidently assert that one’s request/ requirement is within the law and the official’s responsibilities. Thus, an official’s words/ actions to intimidate or coerce one are illegal.  Steady eye contact, posture and composure can indicate a strong sense of confidence and self-esteem.

Awareness of one’s surroundings and the perpetrator’s behavior is important as not all perpetrators can be confronted safely. Actions, tone, posture, whether intoxicated, etc. can indicate their intention, propensity for aggression or violence and whether or not it would be safe to engage with them. One should be aware of exit strategies especially if the suggestion takes place in an isolated, unfamiliar place or behind closed doors.  

Often, submission is due to dependency on the official involved. Divya recalls the Manager’s sympathy towards her plight. “He has been very helpful, I suppose I must ignore his weaknesses” is what she thought at the time despite her nagging discomfort. It is less distressing to comply rather than confront the abuse.

Long term abuse can lead a woman to justify it, especially if the offender expresses kindness, empathy and attempts to gain her trust. Feelings of guilt, fear, shame and blaming oneself is not uncommon after such an experience. However, it is imperative that women uphold their self-worth and image and remind themselves that they are not to be blamed for any advances made. Recognizing the root of such feelings and proactively working through them such as avoiding the abuser or location, making safety plans to reduce worry and anxiety, seeking a support group, meditation and practicing relaxation techniques can help.   

At the root of the abuse is power. But there is power in the support of the right sources too. Women’s groups, grassroots activists or even a close confidante can empower and offer the strength needed to stand up to abuse. An environment of solidarity and confidentiality at family or community level can be a turning point in many cases. “Doing one's job and providing services does not mean the right to ask for sexual favours in return” Divya shares.

Looking back, she would have confronted the bank manager she says, had she trusted her instincts at the time. If she had understood that she was legitimately entitled to the loan, and more importantly if she had been empowered with the tools to confront the manager’s unwanted advances, her situation may not have left her feeling helpless and isolated. 

In hindsight, she adds, she will know how to stand her ground in any uncomfortable situation in the future or offer support to another woman in a similar situation of injustice.

*Names have been changed to protect privacy. Based on real events.