Recently I met up with some colleagues from my university days, who have now diversified their talents into various industries. Some stories were truly inspirational as we spoke about both the pluses and minuses of our personalities in the business world One of the senior associates added how, more often than not, fear of failure keeps us from venturing to discover the best in us.
 Failure is almost always viewed negatively even though methods of trial and error are usually the principal means of solving life’s problems. Error or failure, for some of us is so debilitating, that we stop trying completely. Little do we know though, how both helpful and necessary it is, especially when it provides firsthand evidence of what does not work for us or offers feedback that points the way to success.
Why do we fear failure? According to some of the common answers I have received from my young coaching clients, the fear of failure seems to embrace a gamut of other fears such as fear of being judged and evaluated, fear of making a fool of oneself, fear of being the trouble maker, fear of rejection and fear of being different and alone with no one to fight in your corner. So, now it is not only one, but a family of fears that seem to multiply like a virus, thereby incapacitating our motivation, enthusiasm, heart and drive to take initiative.
Fears can arise in the face of relatively small challenges such as feeling anxious to talk at meetings, giving a speech or presenting ideas to the board. Fears can also be the stumbling block for somewhat intense challenges such as accepting new responsibilities or a new job offer, changing careers or starting up a company.
Where does this fear of failure come from? Is it embedded in our high expectations for ourselves or others’ expectations for us? Most agree that the choking social pressure is primarily to be blamed. But this is only partially true. Take a closer look and you will find that it is because we have chosen to define ourselves in terms of what people say about us. It is also because we have preferred to extract our self-identity through what people think of us.
I ask my young clients sometimes, ‘what are you most scared of?’ If the answer is based on fear of failure, I challenge them, ‘what if you fail, and do make a fool of yourself? What if people evaluate you and reject your ideas? Does that change who you are as a person in your eyes?’ Most answer ‘no,’ thus implying that most of us have given this fear higher precedence than it deserves, to be a part of us.
Too many organizations endorse perfection in their cultures with a set of beliefs that any form of failure is unacceptable. In such organizations and even in the society at large, to garner a reputation as an achiever, one must always win, reach every goal and never ever make a mistake that cannot be hidden or blamed on someone else. This gives birth to finger pointing, lying, cheating, falsification of data, hiding problems and rapid turnover as heroes rise and fall unexpectedly.
Another reason behind the fear of failure is clinging to the past and over-anticipating the future. Some may be too enticed by their early successes, that they may not reach their pinnacle due to their ego-driven commitment to what has worked for them in the past. It is worse when they shy away from innovating further, not knowing whether they would fail and diminish their well preserved reputation and the triumph from yesterday.
We need to be aware of our unbalanced values. Have you ever noticed how our greatest strength could become our greatest handicap at times? Need for achievement is a powerful drive for successful people that they have based their confidence, self worth and in some unfortunate cases have built their entire lives on it. Be it at home, school, sports, university, hobbies and work, only high distinctions and gold medals are permitted in their repertoire. In these cases, failure becomes unthinkable. Hence, the simplest way to ward off such nightmares is never to take a risk and to stick to what you know already.
Like everything else in life, success is relative and so is failure. We all know that making mistakes is inevitable in life. I believe that failure cannot fail you all the time, and that at some point it becomes your strongest qualification for success. If you have a problem with fear, seek help from someone who can help you. If you have to advise someone who needs encouragement, reinforce them positively and ask them to talk about the risks they have taken in the past and the moments they have succeeded.
Fear cripples advancement and kills creativity and entrepreneurial character by suppressing calculated risk-taking, experimenting and exploring possibilities. Simply, it prevents us from being leaders in our preferred niches. I believe that people are brilliant in their own ways and that it is a matter of rising above their fears to allow that brilliance to shine, that would make a difference. I don’t think we are made to be mediocre, I think we are made to be exceptional.
(The writer is a Business Psychologist and can be reached at rozaine@forte.lk). |
E-mail
