She was the matriarch, the amalgam that held the family together for so many years. She was the most compassionate and caring of mothers, not only to her children, relatives and friends, but even to strangers who happened to call.
Phyllis Dagmar Bulner, the daughter of John Walter and Daisy Maud Bulner, was born in Bangkok, Siam, on July 14, 1918, where her parents were employed at the time along with many others from the colony of Ceylon.
Returning to Ceylon in 1919, her parents settled in Kandy, the hill capital, where her father along with her uncles ran a merchandise store – Bulner Brothers. When the business was sold some years later, her parents moved to Peradeniya where her parents settled on a six acre farm.
Phyllis, along with her brother and sister travelled by train to school in Kandy. It is no surprise then that an engine driver, Randolph (Rando) Melder set eyes on her, a romance blossomed and they were married in December 1934, when she was 16 years and 5 months old.
The first of their eleven children, Victor, was born in September 1935, when she was 17 years and 2 months old. The transition period from schoolgirl to mother and railway man’s wife must have been a daunting and strenuous task, but she took it all in her stride.
In the ensuing 30-year period, her husband was transferred quite frequently, as most railway men are. They moved to ten different towns. She was able to successfully set up home in each new town in a few days and family life continued almost uninterrupted.
With passing of the years the family increased to a total of eleven children – seven boys and four girls. It was no surprise then that Phyllis and her husband had no time for parties, picnics, movies and the like, as every minute was spent nurturing and bringing up the family.
Phyllis was a mother who took all in her stride - the children’s illnesses, numerous coughs and colds, cuts and abrasions. She soon developed her own household remedies and cures, which were even used successfully by friends and neighbours.
Like most women of her time, she was an excellent cook and prepared many tasty and succulent dishes. Her Tomato Jam, Hibiscus Punch, cold platters and Christmas fare will be long remembered by family and friends.
With her husband’s retirement from the railways in 1963, the family migrated to Melbourne, Australia, in December 1965. Life began anew for Phyllis in another place, another country.
Over the years, she saw her children marry, 25 grandchildren arrive, even 12 great grandchildren. She knew them all by name and never forgot their birthdays. Her husband Rando, predeceased her in December 1989. She then lived with her bachelor son, Derrick and kept ‘home’ for him, cooking and baking up to two years ago.
She kept herself mentally alert, even to the very end by completing crossword puzzles and even had the local newsagent deliver some 5 or 6 crossword magazines each week.
In July last year she celebrated her 90th birthday, along with all her eleven children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, members of the extended family, friends and neighbours.
She was strong willed, with a mind of her own. When she was diagnosed with cancer eighteen months ago, she refused any extensive medical treatment and left things in the hands of God. She never once complained. She finally passed away at home, in the presence of her loved ones, as she desired.
Her final wish was for a simple casket, something similar to that which Pope John Paul II was interred in, and this wish was granted her by the family.
She was a woman with a constant and complete faith and trust in God, who walked with her all her life. Prayer was something she cherished and it is no surprise then that her payers rarely went unanswered.
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