Love actually

By Sachindra Amarasekara

“Love can be used for anything you can explain,
any good thing that you can explain,
- Maya Angelou

Love is defined in so many ways across cultures. The greatest plays, profound books, all have tried to put into words how love moulds our lives – from the ancient wisdom of the Valmiki Ramayana to the timeless tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, or the powerful bond between Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Love has sparked wars; love has created peace. Love has created religions.  

And when we look around, it dawns upon us how love shaped the world. It lives on in grand architecture, verses of poetry, the stories we tell, and even the myths we cherish. Love, in all its hues, has indeed left an indelible mark on the fabric of our world.

I am neither a Sita, Kuveni nor Juliet nor a beauty like the heroines of the greatest literature, but simply another human being who has known love in its most genuine, uncomplicated form. So, this is my story how I felt love.

I remember my first day at Holy Family Convent in 1991, when my father woke me up early in the morning, helping me into my crisp new white uniform. He carefully pinned on my yellow house badge and tied my blue and white primary tie. As we walked to school together, I clutched his hand so tightly, not wanting to let go. He was my first love, and even now, in my mid-30s, I still long for the comfort of his love and affection.

I felt the love of my brother in ways words can hardly capture. He drove me almost 8,000 kilometres to help me check off a bucket list item—one that I’d always dreamed of seeing. In the middle of the desert, after a long hike, I stood before the stunning Delicate Arch in Utah. The moment I laid eyes on it, I was overwhelmed by its beauty. There were the evenings under the starry Texan sky, holding tequila, sharing our little world of gossip and memories. The moments are engraved in my heart.

And then, of course, there are friends—my unexpected blessings in life. Fridays after work, reflecting on the week we had had, remind me of my Sri Lankan chapter when I would hop into Chamari's 1965 old Jaguar with the music blasting. We were both part of the 2010 batch, sat in the same row during orientation. She was the girl who grew up abroad, often speaking in broken Sinhala, but with a love for Sri Lanka so deep that she refused to settle anywhere else. We leaned on each other as we negotiated womanhood through doubts and challenges. She gave me courage in one phone call when I doubted myself. Almost 16 years of friendship and love, and I cherish every moment of it.

There’s always that one person who fills your life with adventure, and for me, that person is Tanya. We met in 2010, and since then, she’s been my travel companion on long journeys and weekend explorations. We’d drive through northern Sri Lanka, just the two of us, on quiet, jungle roads, and every time we passed Lahugala, she’d pray, knowing we might encounter elephants. I’ll never forget our endless conversations as we crossed the stunning Kalu River Reservoir Road, or our trips to places like Mannar, Yala, and Vakarai—places where there was no signal, just the two of us and the world. Even though time and distance have parted us, the memories she created will stay with me forever.

Piyumi, she who stayed longest and taught me so much about many new perspectives of life; the most unanticipated and loved friend. A woman with a heart full of arts and poetry. We cheered each other during our struggles and shared in every joy. The love of friends and memories they leave behind is a strength that takes you through life, wherever it may lead you.

Love makes us foolish, pushing us to abandon logic, to take risks that seem irrational, even dangerous. But in its complexity, love teaches us some of life’s greatest lessons: honesty with ourselves and patience with our own journey. My first love in my twenties wasn’t about another person; it was about learning to be honest with my conscience. I’ll never forget the day when Appachchi stopped me while I was running after a bus, and said, jokingly "Never run after a bus, a train, or a plane—most importantly, a man." I laughed, but those words became my guiding motto, giving me dignity and peace.

Amma also taught me to stand up for myself: "If the table doesn’t serve you what you deserve, get up and leave." These lessons, passed down from my parents, gave me strength to make the right decisions and courage to correct the wrong ones. Through all this, I learned that love may make us fools, but the greatest love is the one we give ourselves.

One does not seek love; it should find you all on its own. On just another ordinary sunny day in 2022, for the second time in my life, that love found me. He's not perfect, but he had the strength and courage to call my parents and ask for my hand after only six months of talking. Despite living 1,000 miles apart, distance couldn't keep us from building something real. We never checked our horoscopes. There wasn't an auspicious time to exchange the rings, but we surely had the most delicious red velvet cake. That simple and sweet moment marked the beginning of our journey. Soon enough, we moved together to another country. Within the second year, we started a new chapter in New Zealand.

To me, love is sharing your hopes for the future, dreams that might never come true, goals yet to be achieved, and the inevitable disappointments life throws your way. Love is finding that person who finds his joys in your celebration, who dares to give you a courage and strength when you are hurting or laugh along with you even when you acted like a fool. They love you for who you are, and therefore you can be yourself without the fear of judgment. Love is that childhood memory will come flooding back vividly as if you are a child again. and yet love is a sum of everything that has happened to you and any good thing that you can explain!

Happy Valentine’s Day!